I am very aware that I have a habit of attracting men that do the “push-pull” (not a sexual reference, people). The push-pull occurs when a guy appears to be into you in one minute and then disappears in the next.  It can be as subtle as an unanswered call (even though you returned his call within 10 seconds of missing it) or as obvious as the never-ending wait for a plan confirmation (even though you agreed to squeeze him in before you left town because he “really wanted to see you”). Both instances are equally confusing and annoying.

Historically, I have had little tolerance for this phenomenon and have broken up with many a man because of it.  The yogi and I broke up because he wouldn’t leave my side when we were together—but then fell off of the face of the earth when we weren’t.  The hottie Brazilian and I broke up because he constantly wrote me love letters—but then allowed weeks at a time to lapse without seeing me when our schedules got even the slightest bit complicated.  The old school crush and I broke up because he called me everyday to talk for hours—but then never actually wanted to get together in person.

In the end, I delivered basically the same breakup speech to each of them.  It went something like this, “You know, so-and-so, I’ve been thinking a lot about us lately, and I’m not sure that this is really working for me.  Call me crazy, but I would prefer to be in a relationship with someone that actually wants to be in a relationship.”  The reactions to my speech varied in the short-term but were consistent in the long-term: it was over.

I’m not confused that there is a part of me that attracts, or is attracted to, this push-pull behavior.  Would it be too simple of an explanation to say that it’s possibly a result of me being my father’s daughter?  Because it is.  He’s there sometimes and not there at other times.  But mostly he’s not there at all.  And on the rare occasion when he is there, his interest lies primarily in the upkeep of my car (yes, I had the oil changed and yes, the tire pressure is fine) or the weather outside.

So tonight, when I received a text from an ex that said, “Fuck you…I love you,” I felt bummed that the old push-pull finally caught up with me in this relationship too—albeit after the fact—when it had seemed to be immune. On one hand, I say kudos to him for summing up so eloquently the sentiments of all my push-pull men.  And on the other hand, I say: fuck you too.

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